lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I am puke
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
