I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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