Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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