Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
