you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
