she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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