he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
