omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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