3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
