dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
