if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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