Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
