You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
