I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
