even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
