just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
