im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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