i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
