Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
