im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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