Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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