do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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