I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
