I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You smell like a Billy Joel song
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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