the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
