Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
