how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You ate ashes out of my bong
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
