I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
