ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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