I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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