they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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