'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
