I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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