Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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