Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
