1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
