I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
