My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
