Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
