I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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