we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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