WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Never joke about your clitoris.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
