and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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