so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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