Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
