Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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