How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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