Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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