I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
