I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
