Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
