I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
